well here we go

Well looks like if hubbys work, don’t agree to freeze the payrise 26 more jobs will go!! So scratch out my happier post from this morning!! They had a union meeting today and some of the pig headed ones won’t back down ‘ON PRINCIPLE’.. these older ones have been there longer and believe there jobs are safe and the company is trying to pull a fast one.. not giving a hoot about the workers with less service! Garys foaming, nearly had a punch up with one, trying to tell him that his greed will cost jobs!! That’ll be all I need him getting sacked.

So round 2 of the nerves and stress.. I was wishing earlier I could go to sleep and wake up in 2013..

Well hubbys job is safe for the time being, great relief, for now. I have never felt so worried.. (except pre IVA, of course). We will have to wait and see how they going to work pay as asking to take reduction.. hope won’t effect too much fingers crossed xx

Got to turn our attention to our I & E review.. was reading the letter and our old allowances.. It had on the bottom a large surplus figure, which i racked my brain thinking how I never had this surplus to spend.. UNTIL I REALISED THAT WAS OUR IVA PAYMENT!! doh… Don’t think theres a lot of change really, except our utility bills, council tax etc.. but we will have to wait for these to be announced, the general rise in shopping etc. Will need to speak to Melanie as its requesting P60s etc but may not have these until May.. don’t know how that will work.. but I’m going to be positive with this review.. and not look upon it with dread as I have been.. Will keep you posted on progress.. Plus we’ll need to see how Garys work goes, when considering dropping shift allowance..

Nothings ever straight forward is it ..

For the last week I’ve had a nervous sort of pulse in my right eyelid.. its been really annoying, you could see it beating!! Today i’ve had a headache behind my eye. Went to doctors and she’s told me its caused by stress.. she’s sending me for blood tests for thyroid but I know its not that. What can I do to stop this.. we’ve just received our first annual review things to complete, more pressure!! Hubby should find out more about redundancy tomorrow, funny enough  have slept soundly for the last few nights, but I have woken up as tired as I was before I went to bed. How can I slow down and stop fretting when the whole country is on its knees.. including me!! 

To add to worries my niece was rushed into hospital on Monday night not able to breathe, she’s 20 month.. if its not one thing its another, she came home yesterday but has an inhaler until her airwaves open properly!! 2009  has been pretty pants up to now.. mam diagnosed with angina, redundancies and now Martha.. I don’t think my nerves can cope with anything else!!

I come on here and constantly bleat.. sorry

Still no news on hubbys job, he thinks he might be ok, but can’t relax til we know for definite. Anyway, sitting watching the cricket.. with a bottle of Rose and Gary and Caitlin.. and you know what?  I love my family and I hope to God we get through this, but we’re fit and well and we have each other.. What more can I ask??

This forum has been fantastic and you know Melanie and her team are also counsellors as well as debt advisors.. I work for the Revenue and we have people on who can’t pay bills.. I know what there going through and I hope I am sympathetic and understanding .. I hope the country can see a way out of this.. I know our debts were mostly our doing.. but some people out there are just victims of the times we live in..  Good Luck everybody xx

Sorry for rambling…

Well hubby been told there will be redundancies at his place, he is really good at his job, but he had some time off before Christmas with a bad back.. apparently this is going to be taken into consideration for selection.

I am past myself with worry.. I work for the government and bankruptcy is not an option, I know i’m thinking of worse case scenario, but I have to sort stuff out. He has told me not to worry as if the worst happens he’ll do any job.. but trying to tell him there are no jobs, is like talking to a brick wall. Can’t help crying and thinking where do we go from here.. do we try and get interest only mortgage (but in fixed rate until 2011 so not sure if this is possible), do I ask Melanie for reduced payments if it happens and try and muddle through. My wage is rubbish and Gary is the main wage earner. Do I apply for tax credits (which is a shambles itself).

Our lives were just getting better, starting to enjoy life, no money, but enjoying what we have and that what we do buy is from our hard earned cash..  Oh God tears again.. Sometimes I just wish I was a million miles away and everything would just go away.. Just can’t seem to see away out if this happens, I know Melanie will try her upmost to help.. but what if she can’t!!!

Sorry got to go now, can’t see keyboard for tears.. fought so hard to keep my home as its all I’ve got,… just keep thinking why us.. why me.. I struggled from an abusive relationship and finally have found my feet, with a bit happiness!! So scared of losing everything!!

Well after a couple of weeks my window was finally fixed.. thanks to a cheap part off ebay!! what a carry on we had, hubbys friend who tried to put it on made it worse and uncoiled all the wire that made the window go up and down.. so after alot of toing and froing its now fixed.. Gary did it in the end!!!

Caitlin got the chance to go to Butlins with her friend and her parents.. how could we say No.. after all none of this was her doing.. so little bit of fallback Christmas money went there (luckily nanna and granda paid for most of it as part of her pressie.. not that you’ll know that at Christmas!!)

When you haven’t got Mr Plastic to fall back on sometimes the future can seem daunting re presents etc.. Don’t get me wrong I wouldn’t change it for the world but scary all the same.. Hubbys son Josh ‘just’ wants money towards a laptop,  he only sees him a few times a year.. what do you do?? Garys said to him most he can do is £100.. so no pressure there then!! Anyway I’m sure we’ll manage.. freezer is relatively full so hopefully can save there, and we’ve never been a family to fill the cupboards to bursting over christmas.. I’ve always looked at amazement to where people put these 3 trolleys of food and booze.. they’re either really greedy, wasteful or popular!!

For hubby being the one diagnosed with depression I must say he takes this IVA all in his stride (maybe as he’s not internet bank monitor!!), he always seems to have the outlook of we’ll manage and I must say to now he’s been spot on!!

I thought the forum was bringing me down so I never posted or even looked for a while but then I realised it wasn’t, I was bringing myself down, worrying for no reason whatsoever!! So here I am back with a more positive outlook.. I mean whats the worst that can happen… well!!!

And Julie if you’re reading this thank you for the text on Saturday.. you really don’t know how much that meant to me.. even though we haven’t met you are a special friend….

Well I thought was being organised.. Gary had worked overtime, sent off what was due to Melanie and thought would get some pressies with the rest. Got a couple of bits for Caitlin, and presents for Martha and Tom my niece and nephew. Really was so pleased with myself.. then the fridge went dodgy.. luckily I cleaned the seal around and moved somethings around and fingers crossed has been fine.

Coming home from work on Friday night I heard a crack, which I thought was a chip off the road, then the noise from outside seemed to get louder. Looked and my window was open an inch or more.. the windows broke.. the runners inside have either snapped or perished.. £178 with friends discount.. can’t afford it so will have to jam shut.

You know I thought we were doing so well. I know Melanie would try to help if I was desperate, but think will need that favour if the fridge is just feeling a little better for now!!

So fed up.. hope theres a poorly scenic in the scrapyard waiting to donate its parts!!! At least the security guard at work gets a giggle every morning when I have to jump out of my car, swipe my pass and jump back in before the barriers close!!

Well this time last year, me and Gary were at breaking point.. I had no idea of how deep in debt he was (didn’t find out until after christmas), I knew we weren’t well off but he was working 24/7 so i just thought he was paying off his cards etc.

We weren’t talking and or communicating in anyway. I really thought it was the end of our marriage. The look in his eyes was pure resentment!! It was November when he finally broke down and advised he had contemplated suicide, so much as he was going to do it at work, so insurance would have thought was an accident!! I was horrified to say the least. Still keeping debts away from me he went to the doctors and he was diagnosed as being depressed.. being a bloke he typically wouldn’t take any tablets!! After Christmas I broke down and said i was struggling to make ends meet as salaries were separate.. this is when the truth came out!! Hence the IVA.. and this forum!!

I was just thinking today how happy we have been in the last 6 months and how things could have went oh so wrong!!

Anyone reading this who is thinking of taking there own life.. please speak to a professional, there will be so many people who can help.. and so many more people who love you xx

Went to work yesterday, for anyone who don’t know I’m a contact centre adviser for HMRC.. a gentleman called about his payment on account which was overdue. I advised when it was due and about interest running.. this man just went off on one and virtually verbally abused me!! I know that everyone is struggling, but why are people so rude.. I was virtually in tears.. he told me he would write the cheque out to me in his own blood etc.. I know everybody is struggling and this gentleman was probably struggling to keep his business afloat, but being nasty and abusive to me doesn’t help his situation.. I got the blame for Gordon Brown, hoodies and practically dolphins being caught in the tuna nets!!

Why are people like this, I know its hard and believe me in this IVA I know, but I would never dream of treating somebody like this.. I am always polite and sympathetic with people.. this man just really got under my skin.. he was a well spoken gentleman not like one of the yobs that just swear at you.

Sorry for the rant, but I just hate it when people get personal..

Well Caitlin enjoyed her birthday, of course her dad didn’t phone on the actual day, but hey ho she seemed unscathed by it.

We had a lovely lunch at Frankie and Bennys with my mam and sister, plus Tom 4 and Martha 16 mths.. a girlie lunch with Tom as honorary member!! And my mam and dad paid for the treat which I was grateful for.. us adults shared a 15″ pizza and salad (how does one person actually eat something so large).. and the kids had pizza or chicken things.. then we had cheesecake.. Ooh was lovely.

I then had to endure a couple of hours of singing screaming teenagers, before they went off to the cinema!! One of her friends bought her a Radley purse!! (dreading her birthday coming around). I had to tuck into my Magaluf money to pay for the cinema for them but never mind I think she’s worth it and she has a bunch of lovely friends!!

So I enjoyed her birthday as much as she did.. and no tears!!

On the other hand I feel really low in myself, as we are proper skint.. I have this massive guilt about going away this weekend with the girls.. I know its all paid for but I feel sick everytime I think about the money..We’ve had to pull out for MOT and tyres.. plus vets bill again.. Just think this debt God is punishing me for thinking about enjoying myself.. Why is payday always too far away??